Author Topic: Guys, please help me trough this. :(  (Read 289 times)

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October 04, 2018, 10:24:34 AM
  • FK - Newbie
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  • Posts: 1
  • Denominasi: Protestan
Hi, I'm 26y.o.
I've just joined this forum cos I'm in trouble and I can't hold it. It's very heartbreaking, disappointment.

My questions are: Am I wrong or not? What should I or we do?

Case: I've got a gf and my dad doesn't really like her. They both haven't known each other.
One day I brought her to my sister's engagement, but before I brought her, I asked my dad that I wanted to bring her with me but he didn't allow it, so I asked my sister and she said yes I can bring my gf with me.
When on that event, my dad saw her, my gf gave greetings to him but he was like no expression, and then she's sad & afraid and I was like angry & sad but I keep it inside.
One day I asked my dad and he said that when he sees her he thinks that she's not good for me cos she's skinny (not too skinny for me) so she's weak, she hasn't graduated while she's above 23y.o., she hasn't got a job, he thinks that she will have hard times to get a job bcos of her age.
To me & lots of people think that it's doesnt matter, at least our partner(woman) loves us truly & willing to help us trough ups & downs.
Whenever I wanna go hangout with her, my dad always like an evil conceded, like he really hates her, he is so angry about me & her to be together. He told me that if I wanna marry that girl he's not going to agree, he'll not accept her & he's not going to help me in finance.

*Oh I think I remember that he ever told me to move out from his house if I'm still with her or wanna be with her forever! I said ok then, better to walk out than to stay in this house cos I don't feel joy, peaceful & happiness. And I said why always angry & upset about it? You go to church, read the Bible in there, listen to the Father's word, singing songs. There's nothing to worry about, nothing to angry!

Love is not wrong, right? Jesus gave me her for a reason, right? That's why I've been fighting it no matter what and I'll fight it with Him together. We both now focus on prayers, we pray for him.
October 04, 2018, 12:33:17 PM
Reply #1
  • FK - Newbie
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  • Posts: 42
    • Gospel Radio
  • Denominasi: CHRIST
Hi shalom..
Since you ask a direct question, then its a 'NO' you ain't the guilty one.

And then what you should do?
From my perspective, just one thing you could do about it, asks to you dad about real reason behind his objection.
BUT.. it's seem already asked.
SO.. do not worry again.
OR.. could you ask more seriously once again and with appears/acts more mature, a talk between son and dad only. I mean is, with a best situation you can think about it, I believe you know what I mean.

What your dad will give you?
  • Is it because her neighborhood? I think this is a valid.
  • Is it because the money? It's a no, invalid.
  • Or somewhat else?

If your dad still cannot give the 'Right/Correct' excuse.. so the meaning is your dad have a problem with his life (righteousness).
You no need to believe me about that, that one come from myself, should consider I am wrong, hopefully.

There is no one whom have virtue will forces his way.
I believe if your dad is a good dad, then he will explain with truth inside his heart with a good attitude. So, you (son of him) will understand what he have in his thought.
How can you learn from him if he's right? Oh yes, you should listen to your dad as the son, but once again he should tell the reason. Its essential.
By not valuing the good intention, one’s heart shall called a confused person, even that is your dad or my dad.
No offense.


Code: [Select]
Luke 14:26  -  King James Version (KJV)
[26]
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.


Even so, maybe your dad have the right reason behind this, because he's told you to do so.
I believe you can make right a decision as you 26 yr old though my friend.
Maybe only you from this site knowing your own dad, also your girlfriend, most importantly about yourself.

The main point is, I'm afraid your dad are the right one and you are the wrong one. I ain't supporting you to fight your dad and leaves your 'dad' house just because this problem.
On the otherside, may you considers even your dad (as the human) could be wrong thou.
The right one is the one who has the kindness and right attitude (even has the wrong principle).
So, there is no one right in front of Jesus, our Lord.
Only..... could considered the right one by Jesus.
October 04, 2018, 01:31:42 PM
Reply #2
  • FK - Senior
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  • Posts: 256
  • Denominasi: Kharismatik
Hi Bro,

Having read your story, let me share with you based on the stories of myself and those around me.  When, I see a circumstance such as the one you described, I often see people come to a fork in which they will have to decide wisely on the road which they will trek upon.  The problem with your father maybe one of the following two :
1.   It is a warning sign.  Your father is a God-given authority in your life.  He is there to help you go on the right path.  Even at the age of where you are now, as you are a grown man, you are still his responsibility as he has not released you into the hands of your wife-to-be.  If you believe that God gets involved in your life directly or indirectly, your father maybe given a warning sign by God of how the relationship would likely end up in the future.  Hunches, negative emotions, feelings of uneasiness should not be quickly swept aside.  I believe these things may come from intuition that originates from God.  Or even more, there may be hard facts that your father has not disclosed to you totally yet. 

I think you just need to discuss with him further and in away, both you and your girlfriend will have to try to win his heart.   At the end, I believe it is necessary to get his blessing to go into marriage.  In the meanwhile,  I know you must have been praying already and if you believe in praying a prayer to let God’s will be done in your life, then there maybe closed (opened) doors ahead.   I can’t imagine going into marriage without the blessings of my parents, more so if they are believers. 

2.   It is a challenge for you to overcome.  Life is full of challenges and we all need to overcome them to move ahead.  Your father disagreeing with your relationship maybe that one mountain that you need to climb and overcome.  Rather than making your father as an object of your dislike, why don’t you see him as some sort of a stepping stone to propel you forward.   If you can get through your father and receive his blessings, then you will move one step forward.  I suggest for you to try and reason with him.  We often times feel a bit intimidated from discussing honestly with authorities in our life just simply because they are our authority.  Try to see his reasoning behind his rejection and let him see your reasoning when you disagree with him or how you might remedy the situation and get his blessing.   Loving often creates a blindspot for the one who loves.  His emotions direct him to only focus on his beloved while things that may pose as threats are often dismissed.  Maybe those threats are real?

On a different note, I think your girlfriend being skinny is not a reasonable logic to uphold by your father.  I believe you can convince him.   However, she not having completed her education maybe a reasonable point.  What if she finishes her degree, will he agree to her being betrothed to you?     
In any case, the above is just my two cents’.  Hoping for the best for you. 

Salam
« Last Edit: October 04, 2018, 01:45:13 PM by melangkahpasti »
 


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